No one tells you when you’re loved right and neurodivergent you lose your protective shell.
My heart is exposed all the time now.
This is not to say I’ve lost strength. Whats more true is that I am extremely sensitive to my needs because they are met. I feel it more when they aren’t. Even briefly. Even for normal life circumstances.
Another side is that I am also extremely aware of injustice, suffering, and needs being unmet in others.
I am learning to release shame around my ever expanding sensitivity. I cry in public regularly. I am in the moment. Life hits me directly. There is no hiding.
All that’s left of my old protective shell is an extreme desire to disappear when I’m melting down. Which has been happening more and more. My partner is very supportive when I need to cover my face and curl into myself, wail, and go to my away place.
I let the pain of the world move through me.
When it washes away I open my eyes. I feel new space to begin again. I make peace with the patterns, organize the chaos, and trust the river.
